Tag Archives: Dating disaster

“But you’ve got your demons and she’s got her regrets” – New Person, Same Old Mistakes, Tame Impala

I’ve had a minor hiatus. I wish I could say because it was of a glamorous overseas adventure, or that I fell madly in love, however alas it was a illness which has largely kept me off the dating scene (the Kissing Disease, no loss. How apt).

Fret not, I wasted no time in getting back onto the dating horse after making a full recovery.

Unfortunately, it seems that the time I took off dating made me momentarily forget that most men are selfish c&*#$ that will do and say almost anything to get you into the boudoir.

My latest mistake took the form of a good friends brother. I know, rookie error, right off the bat. He chased me for weeks, and I finally succumbed. I let the little voice inside of me that had doubts that it was a BAD FUCKING IDEA be silenced because. Man. Hot man.

I let the little voice that told me that he was 35 and single for good reason be silenced.

I let the little voice that told me that his disengaged mannerisms and flammable anger would be different with me.

LOVE CONQUERS ALL RIGHT?

So I dived in, lured by his promises of ‘happy ever after’. There was even a heartfelt declaration on the street. Much to the dismay of the little voice in my head, I believed him.

I sacrificed a friendship for a man. The ultimate betrayal.

Karma was none too pleased. So where I thought I had found my prince, I was rewarded with a demon.

After 4 months together (in which we fought little, but always about his sister), he pulled the rug out from under me. In the most despicable way (which will come to light, I’m not yet able to talk about it. That’s the level of devastation we’re talking here).

To say I’ve learnt my lesson is an understatement. But the lesson here was not ‘don’t date your friends brothers’. Instead, it was don’t silence the little voice. Your intuition is not often wrong. I thought, as so many ladies before me have, that I would be the one to change him. To soften him. To settle him.

I certainly have my regrets. And he was the ultimate demon.

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Would you like a side of sex with that?

At a recent friends birthday party, I happened upon his attractive friend. There was instant chemistry, mainly assisted by a roaring fire and copious amounts of alcohol. After a good half an hour flirt, he asked me to the bar. My rubber arm didn’t require much twisting.

Once there however, the night went from normal to strange very quickly: Alice fell down the rabbit hole. He offered me a sample of the illicit drugs he’d been toting around. Now I’m no angel but I also don’t accept MDMA caps from someone who is essentially a complete stranger. However I decided to run with it and let him pour it in my glass of chardie: which I promptly proceeded to pour down the sink of the nearest women’s bathroom without taking a sip.

I’ve since learnt that being high and pretending to be high are two completely different kettle of fish. I don’t think I’ll be winning an Oscar for portrayal of a drug addict anytime soon. I had no idea how someone on caps is supposed to act but I obviously wasn’t doing it. Within a few hours I was blatantly boozed while my tall, handsome drug-dealing pash was clearly off chops.

The birthday party moved back to an apartment in the inner city and before long I was kissing the mysterious stranger. Kissing, and yawning. It was, after all, almost 3 in the morning and I’m not known for my stamina. My wannabe lover enquired as to whether the effects had ‘worn off’, having no idea that they’d never kicked in! He was still clearly relishing the effects of the chemical reactions while I was on my way to the Land of Nod. Not ideal. After a couple of minutes he promptly stood up off the couch and declared that he was leaving to go back out. I had no issues with that, clearly myself wanting to make a dash for the door and my bed some few blocks away. Preferably alone. He walked to the door of the apartment before turning and somewhat dramatically returning to my side where he ever so politely enquired:

Did you want to have sex?

Not your normal invitation. I think he was just trying his luck, of which he didn’t have much. Needless to say he didn’t get lucky that night but I did have a giggle the next morning relaying his proposition to my girlfriends.

That was until I got a text at 8 am asking if I’d care to drop round to his place.

He might have been ridiculous, but least he was a gentleman.

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