My gorgeous flatmate lamented tonight as I drove her to meet a young chap keen to woo her, that dating was exhausting. Echoing Charlotte York’s sentiments:
I’ve been dating for a decade, I’m exhausted. Where is he!?
I wholeheartedly agreed with her. I go, on average, one date a week. Sometimes two. I’m by no means a slut and I barely kiss many of these men. In this day and age and at my age and use by date, it’s just what is done. You got to be in it to win it, winners never quit, and any other sporting metaphors which can apply to dating, insert here.
Yet like that elusive marathon we’re all incessantly training for, dating can be exhausting!
Which is why I’m constantly fining myself justifying the thought of reuniting with the dreaded “ex”. Sometimes you just want the familiar. It’s all to easy to get caught up in the thrill of the new. But like your favourite pair of jeans, an old lover can be an easy change of pace.
I’m quite lucky my most prominent ex lives overseas, so there is no danger of a relapse, but I’m not immune to imagining “what if”. An other ex works on the same floor at work and it takes a lot of self control after a few vinos on a Friday to reconvince myself of why that is not such a good idea. Doesn’t usually take long, but it can be easy to fall into familiar patterns. Any others that I’ve date have usually Ben erased from my life within days of it ending so contact is barely possible.
Making a habit apparently takes only 3 weeks. 21 days. So when you’ve dating someone for months or years, it’s easy to see how it becomes second nature very quickly.
As my mind flits back to my many exes, and flirts briefly with the prospect of a reunion, I have to remember what they were missing the first time round: the X factor.
Should it be tempting to open that proverbial can of worms and take a trip down memory lane, take a moment to think of the risks vs the rewards.
Risk: it’s not as good as round one, and that can only be awkward.
Reward: it’s not as good as round one, and you can confidently walk away (again), safe in the knowledge that you have no left stone unturned in your quest for love.
Risk: you fall for his old tricks and burned (again). Damaging to the ego.
Reward: confidence boost. Who doesn’t want to know they’ve still got it!?
Risk: having to explain the conscious recoupling to your friends and family. If they hated him the first time round there’s a sure fire chance those feelings won’t have abated.
Reward: sex with someone that won’t increase your tally! Winning!
Risk: you end settling.
As exhausting as it might be, I got to believe that dating is worth going the distance for. No pain, no gain, right?